I’m on Day Three of my gratitude challenge, and feeling “lighter” and more observant, possibly.  Last night, I did a gratitude alphabet, categorizing things I’m grateful for by their name.  It was a winsome activity, and once I got started, ideas just flew into my brain.  Aquariums!  The Beatles!  Sleep Number Beds! Germinating seeds!  Freezer Jam!

Other things I’m grateful for aren’t objects or people, they’re feelings and experiences.  Where would I be if people hadn’t shown me compassion or if I hadn’t been able to show compassion to others?  While owning and operating  four restaurants with my husband stretched my nerves, gave me grey hair and turning me into a screaming harridan, I am so proud of what we accomplished, the people we hired, the customer relationships we made.  Only last Saturday I went to the WWU bookstore to exchange a sweatshirt, and the cashier looked at me and said, “Benita?”  It was Mauriann B., who’d worked at a title company and had always been so nice to me.  She recognized my voice, and I remembered her last name and the years kind of fell away.  Her life has changed powerfully and happily, as mine has.

How would I know that if I hadn’t made mistakes?

You see, growing up and well into my adult life, I’ve always felt I was two people.  The first person had to be what I thought people expected me to be or what I thought would make them “like” me.  That person spent a lot of energy on all kinds of activities that left the second person exhausted and unhappy because the second person wasn’t “like” the first person at all.   For example, I love to read.  Give me a good book and I will lose myself for hours in a great story.  However, for the last twenty odd years, I have allowed myself to be too busy to read, and I consider that a mistake, because I love language and stories so much.  Every time I sit down and open a book, I don’t feel like I’m stealing time from something or someone – it’s ok to give that time to me.

However, now that I’m more  “integrated” I am reading a huge amount, and have begun writing, my own stories, too.  Here’s another example:  When we sold the four restaurants, I demanded that we start another business immediately and we did, partnering with someone we thought was a friend in an HVAC business.  At the end of six months and $39,000 later we were asked to leave our own business, and three years after that, we had to pay over $5,000 because our former partner had defaulted on a bill–and we hadn’t taken our name off the account.

Mistake????? Uh huh.  Learning and gratitude for many things related to this story?  Oh, yes.  Bitterness?  All gone.  It was just money, and since I pushed the situation into existence, I look at the person I was at the time and forgive myself.  I understand what prompted me to take the HVAC business on when instead I could have gone back to college, started writing sooner, all of that.  I’m definitely wiser, and definitely more forgiving.  Twelve years ago, we sold the stores, I was an exhausted porcupine.  Now, I’m as contented as one of my own cats.

I’m also grateful for being allowed the time to grow into this wisdom, as well as for (knock wood) abundant, stable good health.  Our personal life is also stable.  No drama, no arguments, not even nagging.  We’re mates, for sure, something I never observed in my parents, who divorced when I was six and kept arguing until my father’s death when I was 21.   This doesn’t happen at our home because we’re timid or bored, but because we have nothing to argue about now.  It’s a marriage, not a power struggle, and that feels so wonderful!

Again, my gratitude comes from recognizing mistakes I made in the past and reaping the benefits of choosing to do something different.  Sometimes it’s felt like I was holding my nose and jumping off an impossibly high diving board.  Sometimes it’s a sudden recognition that I’m living the change I choose.  Give me a mistake that I can learn from, and I will show you a happier Benita!

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I’m going for a job interview tomorrow; actually, it’s a three hour “job shadow” of the person who currently does this job, and I’m very excited and yes, grateful for the opportunity to work with my guide and learn more about the organization.

I came downstairs to my writing studio to do my nails, and thought I’d listen to a TED Talk or two to keep me company.  The TED website lets you filter the kinds of talk you want to listen to, and today I chose “funny.”   Up popped a list of about twenty talks, and while anything by Julia Sweeney is worth listening to, somehow this seemed like the right way to go:

“Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work“

Bingo.  Achor’s twelve minute talk was about positive psychology and how to increase personal happiness.  Personal happiness leads to better work, and he’s traveled the world making better work happen in businesses, schools and government.

Achor has a formula for getting people to “happy,” five steps that must be done daily for twenty-one days.  Now, I’m as happy as the next person, but why not be more happy? More positive? Achor says that research proves that happier people are 31% more productive.  That sounds “berry berry good to me” (think Saturday Night Live and Garret Morris as a latin baseball player) and definitely worth a twenty one day investment.

So, here’s the formula I’m going to follow for the next 21 days to raise my level of happiness and become even more positive in the present:

1.  Take note and give thanks for three things.
2.  Journal about something that made me happy
3.  Exercise every day for at least 10 minutes
4. Meditate
5. Perform a random act of kindness

Today’s gratitude (in no specific order):

1. Being able to walk into a toasty warm  house after helping Bruce put up a fence at his job.  Bellingham was cool and rainy today, and my toes were pretty chilly, even with warm socks on.  Bruce and I were once partners with another guy in an HVAC company once, and though the partnership ended disastrously, I’ve been grateful for what Bruce learned and how he’s applied it to our home.  He absolutely cares that I’m warm enough, and has spent hours under the house, outside in the rain, working in cramped conditions, etc. to make that happen.
2. However, my head was dry and warm because my sister bought me a faux fur hat a couple of years ago.  It’s thick, and rain never soaks through it.  It’s also cute as can be, and I feel adorable when I wear it.  I’m grateful for Georgia’s fashionista eye and thoughtfulness!
3. I’m really grateful about the job shadow experience tomorrow.  It’s a great opportunity, one that may lead to a wonderful job.  I love thinking about what both parts of the job shadow are going to be like, and it reminds me of the old saying, “happiness is having something to look forward to.”  Definitely feeling happy and grateful!

This is the “gratitude journal entry” I’m going to post publicly until the end of the 21 days.  In the meantime, if you’re interested about pursuing your own happiness challenge, listen to the Sean Achor’s Ted Talk and visit, www.gratitudechallenge.com

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